I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
