I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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