why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
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Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
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His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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