nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
