i just wanna soil my oats bro
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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