We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize