I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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