he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
