I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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