I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
