P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
