God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Damn victory sex feels great
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
