went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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