im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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