someone threw a dead crab at me
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
