i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
