Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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