Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
