...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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