So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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