I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
