i barfeds in our rink
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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