You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
