ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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