How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
