I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
