Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
