I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
