I just threw up on my dentist
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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