As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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