Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Alive.
So much puke
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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