I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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