Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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