I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
