I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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