He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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