She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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