I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
