Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
