Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
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THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
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I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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