to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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