you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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