I didn't shave. On purpose
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
