bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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