My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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