Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
