He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
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Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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