someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
