How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
They have beer where we have blood.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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