No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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