Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
