These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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