I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize