This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
