hell yes lets make some ravioli
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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