Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
