Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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