marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!