Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize