I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The air was thick with penises
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
