This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
