So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
